Day 151 January 2, 2011

Day 151  Ottawa, ON

Gray day.  Sky leaden and full.  Rain spills intermittently.  A day to dig deep.  A day when the biggest challenge during "me time" is to get on that yoga mat, despite lethargy.  One hour or more later, I leave the mat.  Rested, refreshed, having admitted to the gray day depression that nearly did me in, and grateful that I moved past it.

For years the hardest part of doing a yoga practice at home was actually getting on the mat.  Once I got on the mat I had no problem, stepping onto the mat was the problem.  I could count on any number of other interests that were more timely, more interesting, more important.  Does this ring any bells of recognition with anyone else?

It's hard to face helping yourself sometimes.  Cause when you start to get depressed you don't feel worthy, not even worthy of helping yourself.

As I did my back practice of 15 poses, the one outlined in the great beginner's yoga book by Mira Mehta  How to Use Yoga: a step by step guide to the Iyengar method of yoga, for relaxation, health and well being, the restfulness of the practice definitely helped.  The support of the wall during the few standing poses was crucial.  I could never get to the same level of depth in those poses without that support of the wall.  I played with it; used the props as little as I could, moved away from them, and tried to do the poses with the minimal amount of effort.  This practice has nothing to do with effort; it's all about releasing into the poses and for me it was all about working the muscles on the front of my body that protect the back, moving the abdominals way back towards the spine, and lifting the quadriceps.

"We all need somebody to lean on."  Well today I leaned on: the mat, the blocks, the straps, the wall, the chairs, the benches and the blankets.  I was grateful for their support.

Go ahead and lean on someone.  Or lean on something.  Get all the help you need.