Day 88 October 31, 2010

Shipyard  NYC  2010

Day 87 October 30, 2010

Three and a half hours of yoga this morning, with David at the helm.  Oh my.  Intense effort.  Understanding comes from hard work.  Calmness arrives in the body when I start to think from my back brain, the oldest part of the brain which lets us know where we are in the here and now.  Right this minute, not in our future imaginings.

So often we live in the fore brain, the part of the brain where we move forward intellectually, with our will power, with our intent.  The back brain lets us sit back and take notice of where we really are.

The gray sky today only heightens the colors of fall as I glance at my very own garden, standing on my two feet but bent in half as I harvest broccoli.  Even when I glance at the forest from the highway the colours are amazing.  Such a reckless riot of colour. 

Next will come the black and white show of winter.  Are you ready?  I saw my first snow flake this evening.  I'm in no hurry for this next season.  I can wait till it comes.

Day 86 October 29, 2010

Well, I'm home again.  Such a long journey.  Actually it was only 13 long days and nights.  The 10 hours of driving back and forth to St. John, New Brunswick were well worth the effort because of the 5 hours of yoga, as well as getting to know the fine folks that organized and attended the workshop.  David led us so well.  It was a very special experience, thanks especially to kindness shown by Doris, Marie and Truly.

The rest of the journey mainly revolved around a boat trip with Jim, my brother.  He and I had a very rewarding time together.  We both obviously love boats and water.  I miss water the way you miss an old friend.  Jim bought his first boat with his good friend Paul at the ripe age of 12.  Jim financed his portion of the purchase with his own money that he'd earned on his newspaper route and by mowing lawns.  His current boat is his biggest yet at 36 feet long, 14 feet wide, and it includes a fly bridge.

NYC from aboard Forever Young 2010

It felt very strange to drive my car today.  I kept thinking, where's the water?  I did see water in Halifax harbour.  I drove over the bridge and gazed longingly at that expanse of water, the same water I worked on as a deckhand during my time with the Inshore Rescue Boat program.

The funniest moment during my drive was when I pulled past a full sized pick up truck hauling a canoe in the back on the highway.  The best of both worlds I guess.  A truck and a boat.  I thought of Jim today, driving his tractor on the farm, harvesting his potatoes.  From the car to the boat to the truck to the tractor, he is one man who loves to drive a vehicle.

I liken the practice of Iyengar yoga to driving your own body like a vehicle.  You are your own mechanic too.  You drive yourself on vacations to new places you'd never think you'd ever visit.  You remodel yourself, turn out a new model every year.  And the best part is, you feel more satisfied with each year's model than you ever thought possible.  Try it some time, you might enjoy it too :)

Day 85 October 28, 2010

Hibiscus



There is just something about this mauve pink colour that captivates me.  And the five fuzzy ended tips, they surprised me.  Did they surprise you too?



Day 84 October 27, 2010

airport  Toronto, Canada 

Do you enjoy airplane travel?  It can be wonderful and it can be terrible.  Actually, all travel can be that way.  Life can be that way. 

May you find the grace to embrace all that your life offers you, the glorious days, the hard days at 1:05 am when you make that 911 call, the tedious boring times, the enlightened peaceful times.  Be thankful for it all.  We seem to have one turn at this experience, or at least it feels that way. 

Honor yourself.

Namaste.

Day 83 October 26, 2010

You can feel yourself getting ready emotionally when you near the end of  a trip and prepare to return home.  People who you travelled to see and may not see again for quite a while become a substance that you memorize.  You actively say to yourself, I'll remember them just this way.  

Yes we try to hold on to our memories.  Our lives, our past.  When my mother started to decline due to the quickest onset of Alzheimer's disease that her gerentologist had ever seen, I started writing again.  I wanted to record some of my memories, so that they would be there in case I could no longer remember them myself.  

The way my eldest Tai, as a very young girl, once slipped many strips of colored paper halfway under the edge of a small rug, singing as she carefully tucked them into place.  Curious, I asked her what she was doing.  Giving them a nap, mommy.  

And my youngest, with her out going nature that earned her the well deserved nick name, Jenny go go.  If anyone was going anywhere, she wanted to go along too.  She was so wonderfully curious about everyone and everything.

Acknowledge your memories.  Revel in the good times you recall.  This will fill your heart to overflowing, and then help you embrace those you meet in the present.

Aunt Grace's needlepoint

Day 82 October 25, 2010

self portrait 2007  Ross Creek, Nova Scotia group exhibit

This was how the process unfolded for this self portrait destined for the Ross Creek exhibit [there were also preliminary incarnations that were dropped by the wayside]: 

cut up paper photos, attach to red willow branches with double sided carpet tape, choose reunion photos, wedding photos, your children's photos, yoga photos, write on the clay vase in purple ink, freely associate as you go, not knowing what you'll write until you see it in front of you, but you have an idea in mind, to share your life, place the vase on a heavy roll of newsprint that appears to be a good imitation of a marble column, be grateful when the high wind doesn't tear off the photos when you deliver the piece to the gallery, laugh when Terry, the curator, tells you,  "that winter has come" a few weeks after the opening, this means that the photos are starting to drop from the branches, ...how natural.

Day 81 October 24, 2010

Avonport, Nova Scotia

Early spring day, one tiny drop of snow left on the field across the water.  Tide is high.  Here in the area of "the worlds' highest tides" in the Minas Basin which is part of the Bay of Fundy,  it's either full out mud flats, or trickles of water, or full water mode, or in winter time mudbergs, to differentiate them from icebergs.  Mud, mud, mud, there is always lots of mud.

My eldest daughter's spouse once commented that whenever he visited us he could count on getting some mud on his clothing, he being an urban dweller, gathering mud is noticed.  For David and I it is just part of our way of life.

What is your neighborhood like?  Urban, rural, town, island, desert?  What about your neighborhood is just part of your way of life?

Day 80 October 23, 2010

What's vertical?  What's horizontal?  Is your day proceeding as planned?

Location: remote area near Tofino, B.C.  Lovely walk down to the beach.  Prior to our return walk up the long hill we'd been warned by a couple who made a point of talking to us on the beach (that had only 5 people on it) that we might encounter a bear, for they had on their way down.  No problem, I thought.  That is until I actually started up the hill.  I went first, to protect my youngest who walked behind me.  Quickly I tried to remember everything I knew about bears, not much.  We made a lot of noise, intentionally.

The way was narrow and rocky.  I just didn't want to meet a bear in a tight curve through the rocks.  I kept scanning the woods, seeing as far ahead as I could.  Mid way, a bird landed screeching, about 3 feet away from us.  We both screamed.  So much for remaining calm.  Fortunately it was only a bird.  Mind you, I was ready to die defending my young, if need be.  I just wasn't looking forward to it.  

Nothing but relief hit me after our 20 minute walk, when I saw the top of the hill nearing, for I knew the parking lot was close.  Back to humanity.  That remote location was quite special and it filled me with a peaceful calmness.  The return trip up that hill though, well, so much for serenity.  I did get some good photos though! :)

Day 79 October 22, 2010

We're on the hard today.  The marine forecast has a small craft warning with wind, so after four days on the boat moving from one destination to another we are spending a day tied up.  Tomorrow will see us with only 125 nautical miles left to go until we get Jim's boat back to its original boatyard in Rockland, Maine.  Our plan is to take take two more days for that journey.

Today is for watching the busy boatyard workers where we are tied up, move boat after boat onto the hard.  Last night there was snow at Jim's farm in upstate New York. Winter is indeed coming so the boats all up and down this coast need protection.

Today is for laundry too, all those garments that protect us from the elements need their own level of care.  What kind of care will you take of yourself today?  Will you reward yourself for having worked hard at some task recently?  Will you relish the time it takes to stretch yourself out, get all the kinks out of your body, in whatever way you choose?  Will you read something just for fun today?  Will you stare at the clouds on your back resting on your yoga mat, admiring their very ability to shape shift, like I did this morning?  Will you make a point of really talking to someone today, about something real, not just the pleasantries, the superficialities? Will you feel grateful for something you experience today?  Let's hope so.

Day 78 October 21, 2010

Day 78  still on the water

I hope you are all enjoying your day. I'm imagining you confronting ideas that sound something like this, what should I do next?

Well the same thought crossed my mind when I awoke this morning. After I actually got out of bed I thought what should I do next? Then after I finished a glorious yoga practice on the dock next to the boat, I realized, oh, it's time to start moving again. This meant moving to a new location on the boat, versus moving my own body out of the pure need to stretch and feel how my old body was feeling this morning.

Maybe it's always moving time? Aren't we always moving from point a to point b, or moving something besides just ourselves (like when we carry something) from point a to point b? At times like these, everything seems like a meditation to me.  Everywhere I move whether in yoga practice, or with my ever roving photograher's eye, or literally rolling along much like one does on horseback moving with the horse, but here the rolls are ocean swells, or ocean chop, or no wake zones where you purr along quietly like a cat, and the roll is you acclimatizing to the roll of the boat. 

Yes, we are all rolling along towards our destiny.  May your day today, your personal rolling along journey of your very own day, may you see it with new eyes and calmness.  In an unruffled state of awareness.  Enjoy the ride.

Day 77 October 20, 2010



New York city from aboard Forever Young 2010



abandoned boatyard  NYC 2010

Day 76 October 19, 2010



DAy 76  on the Hudson River with Jim from aboard "Forever Young" 2010


Swim, water the house plants, drink, make some ice cubes, wash your clothes,  take a shower,  irrigate the crops, watch the rain pouring through the gutters, crown your fields to help with drainage, plow the snow, toboggan, ice sculpture, wash your hair, mop the floor, fill the swimming pool, row your boat, deliver supplies on a Coast Guard ship that cuts through the ice fields up north, sweat lodge ceremony, play hockey, figure skate, steam clean your engine, bottled water, sink a well, crew on a shell, wear rubber boots to keep your feet dry, rinse off your sprouts, bless yourself with holy water, baptize a child, be grateful for the world's rice paddies, do your yoga practice early early in the day on the back deck of the boat tied to the wet dock and breathe the cool moist air as you focus on the soft gray ripples of the water during the standing poses,... precious water.

Day 75 October 18, 2010

One of my favourite things is water and one of the reasons is because of its ability to change form.  It embraces so many shapes: steam, ice, hail, rain, fog, snow, sleet, icebergs, a stream, ocean surf, clouds, lakes,  and rivers.  Did I forget to say how beautiful water is in all its transitions from hot to cold? 

frost on wild roses  

Can you imagine water as an analogy to yourself?  Haven't you taken many forms?  Well maybe not as many dramatic, different forms as water takes, but you and I are pretty changeable too.  We start very small, we are born, become children, then teenagers, adults and that is just our outer selves.  How many ideas run around in your head?  Don't they change over the years?  

It's never too late to consider a change.  Change can be stressful, but it can also be exhilarating and just what you needed.  I'm sure you've noticed what creatures of habit we are, down to our food preferences, our choice of colours in our wardrobes, maybe even in our choice of cars, our choice of vacation spots, our preferred methods of communication.  The list can go on and on.

Just for fun, intentionally change something about your patterns.  See how you react.  Embrace change.

Day 74 October 17, 2010

I've written earlier about how plants can calm me down.  I meditate as I garden.  It's about the process, more than the final effect.  There were years when I actually lost interest in my garden produce once it crossed the threshold into my kitchen.  All of a sudden my hard won vegetables  became "just carrots, or just garlic".  It was the process that captivated me, not the product.  David is our primary cook.  I do some cooking but his cooking is inspired compared to mine.  He is just a much better cook.  We do make a good team.  I am the one who loves to grow the food and he loves to cook it.  David is now slowly learning to love growing the food and I am now slowly learning how to love cooking the food.

Similarly to my relationship with gardening, in my art practice it is often the process that captures me more than the final product.  Yes, now I do love the art when it is finished, but I had to grow into that feeling.  For a while I was much more interested in the making of the art than in the art product once it was done.  When the art was done then I was left with the feeling, "Oh, it's finished.  Now what? ... Time to start another project."

What do you love doing?

Day 73 October 16, 2010

David is teaching a workshop in St. John, New Brunswick today.  Five blissful hours with a focus on yoga.  How to make my heart and body sing :)

I hope you do something today that makes your heart and body sing.  Make a list of all the things you LOVE to do, and then it's simple.  Pick one and schedule a time, if necessary, when you can do it as soon as possible.

Day 72 October 15, 2010

Being on the road can give you a sense of freedom.  It can almost feel soothing, I guess it's the motion, seeing everything glide by the windows.  I have fond memories of being a passenger in the car as my dad drove the family to the beach in the summer.  Some years at Christmas time we just got in the car to drive around at night and admire everyone's decorations.

Do you like driving around or being a passenger?

McKay Bridge, Halifax, N. S.

Day 71 October 14, 2010

I got way behind schedule this week.  Just like one of my sisters, I make lists when I feel like things are getting away from me.  This doesn't mean that I actually complete everything on my lists, but at least the list keeps me focused on what tasks are a priority.

So due to feeling under the weather for one complete day and part of another this week, my list got longer and longer and less and less got checked off.  Things can also take longer to do than you originally thought possible.

Inputting my contacts into a new phone took lots of time, family paper work, health insurance forms, correspondence, this all took time.  In a way, being off schedule is good for you.  It focuses you on change, dealing with change.  It is way too easy to get comfortable in our patterns.  We love repeating what makes us feel secure.

Gratefully, I noticed twice today that I was definitely out of my comfort zone.  Do you make a point of leaving your comfort zone?  If not, try to find the tools to make it happen.  It's good for you.

Day 70 October 13, 2010

Well it's nearly 10pm and I just finished making the last batch of pesto.  Our first frost is due tonight and I am so happy I remembered to not only cover up the carrots with some hay, but I also finally remembered the zucchini plants right before sunset!  I looked out the window after my yoga practise and admired the soft green clover flourishing around our 10 high bush blueberry bushes and then spotted the two zucchini plants I'd forgotten to harvest. Yum, zucchini for breakfast tomorrow, pan fried with extra virgin olive oil and sunflower seeds, seasoned with tamari soy sauce (my favourite zucchini dish).

But enough about zucchini.  What I really want to talk about is one of the amazing aspects of this blog, and I'm talking about you, the audience.  Do you realize that there are so many 'pageviews' for this blog I'm just dizzy thinking about it?(and yes, happy too!)  People from Canada, the United States, India, Egypt, Russia, Iran, Australia, the United Kingdom, Italy and South Africa are reading this blog!  Thanks folks!  Keep reading!  Comments are appreciated too of course, but not required, and I am humbled that there are so many readers.  You give me encouragement.

I try to support myself and you too.  Otherwise I needn't ever blog.  I could just journal instead.  Believe me I've tried that route.  But there is something about knowing that your work is 'out there' and someone  notices it that makes you want to go full steam ahead.  

I wonder if anyone besides my siblings, my other relatives and Denise in the United States reads this in the USA, or anyone beyond my friends in yoga or related to my years at KES reads this in Canada, or anyone beyond Jawahar or my daughter's dear friend Guneet in Mumbai reads this in India?  I don't think I know anyone in Egypt so that's neat, maybe my old student Ksenia is reading this in Russia, or maybe Mayhar's family is reading this in Iran, or maybe Neil the surfguard I competed with at an NSLS lifeguard competition quite a while ago is reading this at home in Australia,  or maybe Nuala in Clonmell is reading this in the UK, and maybe it's Melody's old housemate from the dorm flat who's reading this in Italy, and is it you Kassi and Jason who are reading this in South Africa?

Well, welcome to everyone, whomever you are.  Thanks for the support, and I hope you also find support by knowing that we are all in this together. 

Namaste.

Day 69 October 12, 2010

So you say that today you are off to a distant hotel, to be close to the hospital for your morning appointment?  Open heart surgery.  Yes this can certainly happen.  All kinds of hospital visits can happen.  

You can be the mother who learns over the telephone that one of your children needs surgery, and it turns out there is cancer and lots of distressing appointments and treatments and then you thank your lucky stars the cat scan comes back perfectly clean after 14 very long months that change all of your families' lives.

Or you can be the person who is lucky enough to be sponsored by one of the richest men in China and you do get to go to the hospital and have your cataract surgery after all.  Or you can be the person who travels to doctor after doctor and searches for years for relief only to learn from a naturopathic doctor that your ailment is really treatable with natural remedies that begin to work almost immediately.  

And you can get angry and grieve daily and finally feel grateful for your life and for others' lives.  No matter how long this life is.  Just to hold life in the hollow of your hand for a moment, …that can be enough somedays.  Just to see how blessed this experience can be, called life, …that can be enough somedays.

This gratefulness brings you up from your despair.  You push it backwards like the night, let it fall behind you and look with bleary tear drenched eyes and sunken cheeks towards the rising sun.  To see the light.  You walk tentatively at first, then finally start to feel the cadence of your strides.  You walk.  You sit.  You breathe.  You give thanks for what you've experienced. 

Experience tells me that illness can be our greatest teacher because there is an opportunity for so much learning.  And learning is a life long pursuit.

Day 68 October 11, 2010

Do we notice the pattern of our lives?  The texture of our relationships?  The background against which we stage our life's dramas?  The colour of our days?  The sound of our breaths?  Do we recognize ourselves when we glance in the mirror?

Settle yourself down and try to notice.

Day 67 October 10, 2010

Basil.  So much pesto I'll be giving it away.  There is a risk of frost tonight so I'm harvesting all the rest of the basil.  So far I've filled the wheelbarrow once with basil branches.  There is probably 1/2 a wheelbarrow left in the ground.  

"Hallelujah"… have you listened to the Canadian tenors singing this Leonard Cohen song?  I was trimming my basil leaves to the tenors Belembu concert on CBC radio.  Here is the link if you want to hear their joyful singing.  http://www.cbc.ca/radio2/cod/concerts/20090926tenor  

This concert is one of my favourites. Perhaps you'll enjoy it too.

Day 66 October 9, 2010

"Crop circle girl, lover of a good mystery, see how the garlic buds encircle the blue air, reaching for their destiny.  They are your teachers today."

Day 65 October 8, 2010

Today was blustery.  Cool.  I baked rice bread and cookies.  Dinner tonight was pretty simple, perhaps because Thanksgiving is upon us soon, where it is almost expected to indulge in the bountiful harvest in a very big way.  So tonight we had basmati brown rice, our own organically grown steamed broccoli and left over steamed salmon with fresh spinach and lemon slices underneath and on top of the long slab of salmon.

In contrast to this mildly flavoured menu we enjoyed a small glass of organically grown red grape wine from Spain.  Delicious and sharp.

My yoga was quiet too, even headstand.  In boat pose I used two yoga straps linked together to support my feet and chest.  I gazed at my toes and felt my stomach muscles drop towards my spine.  Then a series of twists and shoulder stand helped to complete my practice.

In art I painted on square ceramic plates that hang on the wall.  Painted blue dots on one, on top of the thin pink lines already there.  On another, I painted over a section that just didn't work, the new idea worked much better.  On the third one I just made two small green lines, to visually separate some strong elements that needed to be divided.  

As I painted the thought crossed my mind, why do I even question that I will come here to the studio and work.  Of course I will. 

I hope you resolve some of your self doubts today too. 

Day 64 October 7, 2010

The air changed so much today.  Early in the morning it poured rain several times.  I think I awakened each time the rain hit.  The wheelbarrow was half full of water this morning.  For several hours it was clear and sunny this afternoon. Puffy clouds filled the sky.  Then it clouded over again.  Completely.  Large, dark gray, threatening clouds brought gusty wind.  

How was the weather in your part of the world today?  Did you notice or were you just too busy?  It can get that way somedays.  But even on a really busy 15 hour day at my old job I was still refreshed by noticing the change in the weather throughout the day.  It was a break from my constant focus on "work".  

Take a minute.  Notice the sky.  The air.  Your posture.  What draws your eye?  The distance, or detail?  Take a break.  You deserve it.

Day 63 October 6, 2010

A vibrantly healthy Norfolk pine tree plant helped me during my yoga practice today.  I was back in vrksasana and I usually stare at the floor to help maintain my balance in this pose.  Today I noticed that I'd ended up facing this plant and all of a sudden as I studied its structure I found myself balancing effortlessly.  Briefly only, but I noticed that the plant helped me take a small portion of my focus off "the pose".  Suddenly my practice was no longer only about "me".  The plant was my companion in the endeavor as it was only inches away from me.  Looking at the plant calmed me down and allowed me to naturally assume the pose.  I was able to relax and just do it.

Do plants have that effect on you?  Do they calm you?  Being outdoors really helps me too.  Once I finally got outside today I really calmed down.  Saying that, I think of my dog, Miss Maddie, a one and a half year old labrador retriever.  If you know anything about labrador retrievers you know that they don't settle into their adulthood until they are about 3.5 or 4 year's old.  Miss Maddie leaves her pen like a tightly wound spring releasing full tilt into the air.  She needs lots of serious running every day to keep her calm.

I no longer need running each day, but I do need space to move.  In yoga I've learned that my space can be pretty much the size of a yoga mat and I still feel like I've seriously moved.  I'm calm.  Even so, I still love the open expanse of a large view outdoors.  Moving through space.  That's my ticket to freedom.  What is your ticket to freedom?

Day 62 October 5, 2010

Glorious day today.  The garlic bed is prepared.  More freshly made pesto sits in the freezer.  Huge crop of basil this year.

Huge lift in vrksasana today (stork pose).  I placed my knee against the wall to give me stability.  One of my joints felt like a rusty hinge on my first try in this pose.  It didn't want to open, but after that first time, it improved immensely.  The next few times I opened it, it moved smoothly.  Yes, my body needs daily movement or it seems it will seize up from disuse.

I zoom through my art studio today, glance around, barely see anything specific, just the space itself.  Tomorrow I want to play there.  Today's art play includes admiring the gorgeous brown peaked rows that line up in the lowest part of our garden.  Several rows swoon slightly off the straight and narrow. They wander.  Then there are the basil leaves, in many sizes and shapes which are a gorgeous lime and lemon in colour when you look through them in the strong light of mid day.  

There was a time when I used to lie down in the grass of summer so that I could look through the grass with sunshine streaming through it, just to see that bright electric green colour.  As I worked on the basil, sitting right in the garden clipping its leaves and smelling its fragrance I thanked myself for making time to enjoy this glorious day.  I trust that you too had time to enjoy part of your day.

Day 61 October 4, 2010

Morrisville, NY  2005

Deep in the woods.  It's good to be there at times.  You go places where no road can take you.

Day 60 October 3, 2010

Family.  We all have one.  On a bad day you can say, you are born into your family, but at least you can pick your friends.  

What I've noticed is the older and wiser I get, the more I like my family.  Most likely what has happened is that I like myself more now, and as this acceptance spreads throughout my life, one of the by products is that I naturally like my family more. 

Day 59 October 2, 2010

May we all cherish the babies in life.

            There is another way to look at that.             We were all babies once.

Syracuse Zoo,  NY   2005

Day 58 October 1, 2010

It takes a friend sometimes to really help you understand yourself.  To support you too.  So often we doubt ourselves, or at least I used to do that quite a bit and I still find that it crops up from time to time and from a very deep level inside me.

I'm getting ready to spend a long while at home.  It will be my main work and living environment.  Yes, I'll do some travelling, but I will spend a lot more time here at home than I ever have before.  And so I'm getting my home ready, setting the stage for a prolonged show, with me as the heroine of my own tale.  

My friend Charlotte helped me see that last night.  This explains all the rearranging of the interior spaces, all the painting,  all the tossing out, recycling, and reinventing of the space, all of which takes time, time away from my art practice and my yoga practice.  Her understanding of my situation helped me.  Of course she was the perfect person to understand this concept.

We were colleagues at work for several years.  When Charlotte first arrived I had already spent two days prior to her arrival tidying up her classroom space as I worked there part time.  The teacher who preceded Charlotte was a person who kept everything.  Charlotte being a person who keeps track of her time, once told me that she'd spent 72 hours pitching things out and organizing that classroom before September hit.  She needed to ready her space just like I am readying mine.

Are you comfortable in your own living and working space?  Look around you and see how it makes you feel.  Perhaps you need to do some cleaning or rearranging?  We are in a new season now, what better time to reinvent your surroundings!